Before I go any further, I want to be clear that this is about my relationship with Instagram and the pressure I have put on myself around visibility. It has nothing to do with Karlie or Eleven18.
Working with Karlie has expanded my capacity in ways I didn’t expect. She has added so much value by freeing up the part of my brain that was constantly trying to figure out what to post, how to capture it and how to make it all work. That has given me more room to strengthen my coaching skills and become better at the work I actually want women to find.
About a year ago, I realized I was spending a ridiculous amount of energy trying to get better at Instagram. I wanted to become a better coach and grow my business. Instead, I was trying to learn videography, editing, Canva, song selection, fonts and font sizes. Those details matter. There’s a reason talented people get paid to do them well. I was just starting to realize that I didn’t need to master all of them myself to become a better coach.
I want women to find my work. I just don’t want to turn my whole life into the way they find it.
And yes, I like that people are curious about my life. I’m curious about other people’s lives, too. That curiosity is part of why social media works.
The ordinary has a way of showing us exactly who we are. So much of who we are is hiding in plain sight in what we repeat, what we avoid, what we make time for and what we keep saying we’ll get to later. I share parts of my life because an ordinary moment in mine might help another woman notice something in hers. Because that’s where I believe your answer, your blind spot, your way forward, your magic and your Achilles’ heel are all hiding.
The problem is that being present and creating content at the same time does not come naturally to me. I’ve asked my daughters to do something again so I could film it. I’ve also realized I was missing a moment because I was trying to capture it from behind my phone. I can’t be the only mother who has gotten the video and still felt like she missed the moment. Once I saw that in myself, I couldn’t unsee it, and I started putting the phone down more often.
Now, if I miss the picture, I usually let myself miss the picture. I may have less content because of that, but I’m actually in the moment with my daughters, with the people I love or even by myself. I’ll still capture things occasionally. I just don’t want to routinely recreate a real moment or step outside of my life to prove I was there.
That creates an obvious problem when Instagram is also where I market my business. If women don’t see my work, they can’t know it exists. Hoping the right people magically find me is not a marketing plan. I understand that sharing the work well is a skill of its own. What I’m still figuring out is how to do that without making my entire life available as evidence that the work matters.
I’ve spent less time on Instagram this past year. It isn’t because I care less about coaching or marketing it well. I care enough about both to be honest about where I want my own energy to go. I want more of it available for the conversations, questions and pattern recognition that make me a better coach. I want to practice what I ask other women to do: pay attention to the life in front of them and notice what it’s trying to show them.
I’ve questioned whether showing up on Instagram is worth the energy it takes from me. Then I think about how much I’ve grown and the growth I’ve watched happen in the women I’ve coached. The work matters. I know that. What I’m still working out is how to share it without feeling like I also have to perform it.
I’m also aware that having the ability to influence other people comes with some responsibility. I don’t know exactly who is watching, and there may be younger women and teenage girls among them. I don’t want to quietly reinforce the idea that a moment becomes more valuable once other people can see it.
I’m experimenting with ways to make this work for me. Capturing the edges of a moment instead of interrupting the middle of it. Sharing something after I’ve had the chance to live it. Letting an ordinary clip be enough without turning everything into a production.
I love seeing women who have found their own way of doing this. @alyciafayeh is my current Instagram favorite because her content feels like life. She reminds me that sharing your world doesn’t always have to mean stepping out of it.
I know I’ll keep taking some pictures, and I know I’ll miss others. I can live with missing the shot. What I don’t want is a camera roll full of proof that I was there and the feeling that somehow, I wasn’t.
This is my coaching doing its job. The work keeps returning me to my own life. The point was never to become better at talking about living. The whole point was to live.
At this point, I would rather miss the content than miss my life.
Instagram can help women find my work. It doesn’t get all of me first.
